LOVE IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. Love relates, but it is not a relationship. A relationship is something finished. A relationship is a noun; the full stop has come, the honeymoon is over. Now there is no joy, no enthusiasm, now all is finished. You can carry it on, just to keep your promises. You can carry it on because it is comfortable, convenient, cozy. You can carry it on because there is nothing else to do. You can carry it on because if you disrupt it, it is going to create much trouble for you… Relationship means something complete, finished, closed.
Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not like a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. Lovers end, love continues– it is a continuum. It is a verb, not a noun.
And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to relationship? Why are we in such a hurry? Because to relate is insecure, and relationship is a security. Relationship has a certainty; relating is just a meeting of two strangers, maybe just an overnight stay and in the morning we say goodbye. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow? And we are so afraid that we want to make it certain, we want to make it predictable. We would like tomorrow to be according to our ideas; we don’t allow it freedom to have its own say. So we immediately reduce every verb to a noun.
You are in love with a woman or a man and immediately you start thinking of getting married. Make it a legal contract. Why? How does the law come into love? The law comes into love because love is not there. It is only a fantasy, and you know the fantasy will disappear. Before it disappears settle down, before it disappears do something so it becomes impossible to separate.
Relationship is a mirror in which I can see myself. That mirror can either be distorted, or it can be ‘as is’, reflecting that which is. But most of us see in relationship, in that mirror, things we would rather see; we do not see what is. We would rather idealize, escape, we would rather live in the future than understand that relationship in the immediate present.
Now if we examine our life, our relationship with another, we shall see that it is a process of isolation. We are really not concerned with another; though we talk a great deal about it, actually we are not concerned. We are related to someone only so long as that relationship gratifies us, so long as it gives us a refuge, so long as it satisfies us. But the moment there is a disturbance in the relationship which produces discomfort in ourselves, we discard that relationship.
Wake up early and eat breakfast. Waking before everyone else allows you to organize your thoughts and most importantly BREATHE. When you are not stressed trying to get ready for your day, you are able to focus on preparing a positive day. Eating breakfast is monumental to having the necessary energy to be positive and productive.
Smile and say ‘No Worries’ all day. Making yourself smile may be annoying, but the more you develop this positive habit, the brighter you will view your day. Try saying ‘No Worries’ to any shortfall or downsize. The less you stress about all the problems you could stress about, the happier you will be. Minimalize gloom and stress and your day will be on the right path.
Don’t buy anything. Make your meals and snacks. Don’t shop online. Don’t buy anything on your route to and from anywhere. Try limiting your purchase or spending days to twice a week. You will live a healthier and budget-friendly life this way.
Enjoy silence. Take a stroll through the park after dinner. Sit on the porch watching the sunset. Do something that involves peace and no technology. Taking this moment at the end of the day to enjoy your surroundings improves your thought process for improving your life.
Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me, but don’t be fooled, for God’s sake don’t be fooled. I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water’s calm and I’m in command and that I need no one, but don’t believe me. My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing. Beneath lies no complacence. Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness. But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed. That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope, and I know it. That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, if it’s followed by love. It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect. It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself, that I’m really worth something. But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to, I’m afraid to. I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance, will not be followed by love. I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game, with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within. So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me. So when I’m going through my routine do not be fooled by what I’m saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying, what I’d like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can’t say.
I don’t like hiding. I don’t like playing superficial phony games. I want to stop playing them. I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me but you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand even when that’s the last thing I seem to want. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead. Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings— very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling you can breathe life into me. I want you to know that. I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator—an honest-to-God creator— of the person that is me if you choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove my mask, you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic, from my lonely prison, if you choose to. Please choose to.
Do not pass me by. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back. It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man often I am irrational. I fight against the very thing I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls and in this lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands but with gentle hands for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. For I am every man you meet and I am every woman you meet.
“The fact is there is nothing that you can trust; and that is a terrible fact, whether you like it or not. Psychologically there is nothing in the world, that you can put your faith, your trust, or your belief in. Neither your gods, nor your science can save you, can bring you psychological certainty; and you have to accept that you can trust in absolutely nothing.”—Jiddu Krishnamurti
“Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something- and it is only such love that can know freedom.”—Jiddu Krishnamurti
no one is going to be able to relate to what you are feeling, or going through, or what you are feeling about something you are going through. There is going to come a time when your back is going to be against the wall; people are going to stop believing in you, and life could sometime feel like a nightmare. It would seem that you are alone alone, deserted, with no weapons, and expected to fight armies of thousands. But when this happens, it is truly up to you to dig deep within your soul and to find something that will give you the strength to carry on; the energy to come from within the Earth’s core, and to lift yourself towards a better, higher place.
This is the things that humanity should be able to relate to; pain, suffering, loneliness, how we react to struggle. This is the type of things we should all strive to help each other in surmounting. All this stuff about fashion, technology..who’s the coolest or whatever bullshit society forced us to adhere to, it does not mean a thing. All those things are on the surface. To me, what gives someone substance and makes them a person of quality, is the way they perceive the world when the sun is shining, and the manner of which they choose to react to life, when things the skies are gray.
“I find when I watch American television, I find that 99(%) or 9/10 of it is offensive, and it’s offensive not because it’s dirty, it’s because it’s bland, and it’s emasculated and it caters and panders to the worse taste in everybody. And it’s offensive to my intelligence, and to the intelligence of most people that I know.”
— Woody Allen”—
“So whatever happens in silence — either sadness or aloneness — remember, in silence nothing wrong can ever happen. Whatever happens is going to enhance the beauty of it, deepen the charm of it; anything that happens will bring more and more flowers, more and more fragrance to it.”—OSHO
Life is so funny. It seems as if as soon as I take two steps forward, I take just as many steps back. I spent the weekend trying to find the Source within myself that guides me. Lately, I have been steeped in anger, resentment, frustration and jealousy. As a result, I am projecting these things into the universe unintentionally. I seem to have these periods where I am so optimisti, and I appreciate the present moment and what it has to offer. As of late, I have lost sight of this Presence within that allows me to focus and appreciate that which is around me and to not make the personal impersonal. My goal this week is to remember to ask myself through the day, “What is my relationship with the present moment?”
Mmmm, Don’t,don’t,don’t,don’t, Don’t,(don’t,don’t) don’t,don’t,don’t, (don’t don’t) It’s bad,It’s bad Sometimes s**t is bad… (don’t) Look,
Don’t feel no pity for me Cause I’m going through a couple things, Life means change, That’s the way it goes,goes All my life I had a constant burning A strong deep,desire An aching ambiguous,yearning,yearning, yearning
For something better For something bigger For something wider For something higher And lots of regrets Cause I ain’t seem to found it yet I’ve been searching around the world Never knowing what to expect I get sad sometimes Yes I be mad sometimes Cause I’m out here on the grind Making mine And I still can’t seem to find What I’ve been looking for Opened so many doors For real,yo I just wanna be loved…
[Chorus:] I just wanna be loved Like everybody else does I just wanna be loved I just wanna be loved [Repeat x4] I just wanna be loved
“In order to protect our emotional wounds, and because of our fear of being hurt, humans create something very sophisticated in the mind: a big denial system. In that denial system we become the perfect liars.”—Don Miguel Ruiz